pdf scan available over at the internet archive
My opponents for this appearance were Gypsy Rose
Lee and Jayne Mansfield, each holding tiny dogs only half-dressed by SINA
standards. Here is some of the dialogue that went out over the air:
Mike: When I first met Mr. Abel I had a
feeling he was putting me on or pulling my leg a little bit. He is, however,
really serious.
Alan: Our organization is four years old, you
know.
Jayne: I think it would be so divine if the
people in this society were all nudists.
Alan: As a matter of fact we've been invited
to a lot of nudist colonies to inspect their people. But it's beneath us.
Gypsy: My dog does have clothes. We bought
her some wonderful things here in town yesterday.
Alan: But you're interested in fashion, not
decency.
Mike: That dog doesn't even have fur. It's
really an indecent dog, Gypsy.
Alan: People often say an animal's fur is its
covering. That's not true. Now suppose you had fur, Mike, I mean hair. There
are a lot of people covered completely with hair. You've probably seen them in
the circus . . .
Mike: Yes, I had an uncle . . .
Alan: Suppose he went down to the public
square with only his hair on and a policeman said, "Pardon me, sir, but
you're not wearing clothes." And your uncle said, "No, I have hair,
I'm covered." How long do you think he could walk around Public Square
before getting arrested?
Mike: Probably until a good breeze came
along.
Gypsy: Is it all right to leave the tail
hanging out? If this is a joke, it's very funny, but if you're actually
spending a quarter million dollars on this I think it's disgraceful!
Alan: You're in no position to make any moral
judgment. Your past track record speaks for itself. I'm sorry to have to say
that.
Jayne: I have something to say.
Alan: Would you say it quickly please because
I have an important point. . . .
Jayne: I have an important point, too, a
couple as a matter of fact. I am a member of various antivivisection leagues.
Why don't we use this money to build homes to keep little animals alive rather
than kill them because the pounds are overcrowded?
Alan: But there are organizations who do
this.
Jayne: I feel that the human form, the form
of animals, everything is beautiful. There's nothing nasty about it. I feel
that if you see a cow running around with pants on, I mean if a child sees a
cow running around with pants on, he's going to wonder what's under the pants.
And then when he finds out he'll really be shook.
Alan: If what you say is true, and I don't
think it is, then we should all become nudists and this is ridiculous.
Jayne: I think that's a
good idea.
