epub or
mobi, with thanks to the original sharer
Solomon loved to be called Daddy. He had dozens of women and hundreds of
children. He liked to call me into the bathroom when he was sitting in the tub,
naked as a beached whale and nearly as big.
“Bettye,”
he said, “I still haven’t gotten you in my church.”
Solomon
was a preacher with a mail-order divinity degree. In church, he sat on a throne
and wore a crown on his head.
“And
you won’t be getting me in that church anytime soon,” I said.
“You
don’t think it’s good to praise and worship God?”
“If
this God of yours is so perfect, I’m wondering why he needs all this praise and
worship. Is he that insecure?”
“He’s
not insecure. We are. We need the security we get when we tell him he’s worthy.”
“So
that’s the deal—kiss God’s ass and God makes you feel okay.”
“You
twisting it around.”
“You’re
the one who’s twisting to make sense out of something that’s plain nonsense.”
“How
can you live without faith?”
“You
need faith, I agree. But faith in what? Faith in the fairy tales you read about
in the Bible? I don’t think so, Solomon. Faith in other people, faith in
yourself. Oh,
Lord, save me from this preacher man!”
Solomon
laughed and got out of the tub. I liked our conversation, not because I was
about to convert to whatever form of Christianity he was peddling, but because
he was a genuinely nice guy.
“How
you make love to someone that big?” my cousin Margaret asked me.
“Simple,”
I said. “You sit on him.”